The Face of Prego

We had our photos taken at work recently, and while I was retouching everyone's spots and double chins I wondered what would happen if I mixed everyone together. Would I get the generic Face of Prego?

I aligned everyone's eyes, and ensured that everyone had the same amount of "image" showing through, enough to influence the final image but not dominate it.

I find it quite attractive, in a non-sexual, man-woman kind of way. It'd be interesting to do this on a larger scale, or maybe find the generic faces of different companies around the world. A project for the future perhaps?

Britney on The X Factor

Usually on the X Factor, guests are invited to perform live on stage and also tutor the contestants who are performing one of the guests songs that week. People like Mariah Carey (as odd as she was), Will Young, and Take That have all spent time with the contestants, giving them advice and generally coming across as genuinely nice and talented people.

But not Britney.

This woman thinks she's so big, she doesn't need to spend time with the contestants. Hell, she doesn't even watch the show behind the scenes and bother to note who's performance was good. Instead, she skirts the question from the lovely Dermot (after her performance) with a lame answer, where she - mistakenly - thought that if she said "I love being in London" would make it all OK.

Mariah sang live. It was fab. Will Young sang live. Wonderful. Everyone sings live when they come on the show. It's a talent show about singing and the least the so-called pros can do is show the contestants how it's done.

But not Britney.

Oh no, she simply struts around the stage for 2 minutes miming (appallingly) to her latest CD. It's so embarrassingly obvious too. I don't know how she got away with it.

Then the judges, led by the sycophantic Simon Cowell actually give her a standing ovation. It's nuts! At least James Corden (of Gavin and Stacey) - who I now love - spoke up about it on the Xtra Factor afterward. Good for him! (his comments are just over 3 minutes into the following video - enjoy)

Who's next?

Now that 'the' Doctor has resigned, speculation of who will replace him is rife. Here are a few of my suggestions. If you're reading this, (new showrunner) Steven Moffat sir, you may borrow my top three if you like ...

1) Matthew Macfadyen

He was in the first couple of seasons of 'Spooks' as the lovely yet kinda dry Tom Quinn. He's played Mr. Darcy, a couple of movies and can now be seen in BBCs 'Little Dorrit' - a kind of Doctor Who reunion show written by Charles Dickens. he has the look, the (hate this word - overused by Dr Who fandom) gravitas, and I reckon would look good with a long flappy coat!

2) Rupert Penry-Jones

Matthew's replacement in Spooks could be David's in Who. More of an action-man Who. And possibly the sexiest Doctor yet? It's not likely but he has recently left Spooks so you never know. Maybe it's time we had a Doctor who had a (um) bit of a big cock swagger about him?

3) David Thewlis

This guy is already quite a popular choice on Outpost Gallifrey. A bit of a 'traditional' Doctor would be OK after the madcap Tennant. Possibly best know to todays kids as the werewolf professor in the Harry Potter movies. Although similar to Tennant he'd be more quirky and sweet and a little dark.

What you cannot have.

OK, so I haven't played World of Warcraft for a few weeks now. It started to become a bit of a chore and, I dunno, I guess I got a bit bored of the thing.

Today I was asked a question about flight paths, so I said I'd log on to have a look for the answer. Of course my account is now unavailable because I haven't paid my subscription this month, and now I'm annoyed that I can't get on. I wasn't even going to play the game. But now I WANT TO, because I can't. And I'm sitting here thinking, "my wallet is downstairs. Shall I just renew my subscription and have a game?"

I guess we never change; I'm a grown man (apparently), and yet here I sit there like a spoilt rotten child wanting - needing - what I cannot have!

Someone just smack me.

Hello, I'm Michael and I'm a....

I love being a geek. I love playing World of Warcraft. I love my Mac Pro and my iPhone. And I love being a Doctor Who fan.

I find that I'll happily sit there (wherever I am) and talk about Doctor Who to whoever will listen (or at least appear to be mildly interested at least). I'll happily share the latest news or current speculation on the forums about Donna Noble being back in the specials next year. I'll buy the DVDs and then rip them as MP4s so that I can stream them onto my TV. It means they're available to watch at the drop of a hat. Should I get the urge. I'll buy the books and keep them in order on the shelf. I couldn't read them out of sequence, even though they don't follow on. I subscribe to Doctor Who magazine. It arrives at work in a brown paper bag. My very own porn. How apt. I buy the action figures (I haven't bought "Damaged Cassandra" though. That's just going too far!) and have a small shelf in the lounge where I'm allowed to display the latest half a dozen. The rest are in a box in the loft (it's an office). I think about it more than is healthy, and sometimes I worry about that. Not very often, just sometimes. So it would appear that I'm an out and out Doctor Who freak. Everyone knows it. Everyone accepts it.

However...

Sometimes I see a fan on TV or in real life and they start talking about Doctor Who, and I cringe! To me they sound rather childish and obsessive. They talk about Donna Noble being back next year, and I think "Have you nothing better to talk about?". They talk about their collection of memorabilia, and I wonder if they must be a little silly wasting their money on frivolous stuff like that, and I thank "whoever" that I'm not like them.

And then someone will come up to me at work - a non-fan - and they'll ask me a question about whether Donna Noble is back next year. Like I know? And they'll tell me what they thought of the latest episode. Like I made it?

And suddenly I realise that I am one of those fans. I realise that that's how people see me. And I'm horrified.

But then I also realise that everyone accepts me that way. They like me that way. I don't think they'd have me any other way. So why is it that I have such a problem with being that way? Why do I deny it to myself? It's not like I actually hide my obsession from anyone; always happy to share it with people.

It's like I'm that straight bloke. The metrosexual (who everyone else knows is gay really) who goes to gay clubs and tells everyone about how much he loves going, but he really is straight. And he tells the gay guys that he's so comfortable with his heterosexuality that it would be OK to sleep with another man. And he thinks people just think he's cool because he's so accepting and experimental. The real gays are laughing at him because he's just a knob head really, and his friends are kind of laughing too because they want him to be happy with himself but he just isn't "being" himself, and he's just making a fool of himself.

I'm him! What a tosser!

So ... I need to come out once and for all as an out and out Doctor Who geek ... no ... nerd, and learn to love my inner Whovian. Ugh ...."whovian" ... what kind of nerd invented THAT word!!? Sorry... sorry... I mean... I AM A WHOVIAN! AND I'M PROUD!

So now all I need to do is go to a convention with a Tom baker scarf wrapped around my neck!

Westlife are ruining my favourite songs!

Westlife, that awfully dull and insipid Irish boy-band, that are still seemingly topping the UK charts long after they should have come to a natural end, are ruining many fantastic songs by doing their own boring versions and making them their own!

Amongst the list are Michael Bublé's amazing "Home" and (I don't know if it was originally his, but) Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up".

These really are beautiful songs, but they have been soiled. Now they'll probably be remembered forever as bloody Westlife songs. This is so very very very wrong! Isn't it?

Oh and another thing ... how many times are we going to have to watch Westlife pouting while sitting on stools, miming along to their current cover-version travesty, and then standing up and walking slowly towards the camera/audience? Am I the only person that finds this annoying?

Somebody stop them! Please!!

Maybe I should get a life....

How not to buy a Mac

My partner (Neil) and I live together in Leeds, and last year (with a good Christmas bonus from work) we decided to get a new computer. After lots of browsing online we decided to plump for a new Apple iMac, thinking with our budget we can max out the Ram and hard drive and give us a pretty good computer for home.

The Apple Store had just opened in Meadowhall in Sheffield (about a half an hours drive away), so we figured we'd kind of quite like to buy it from them. So we set off in our little 2 seater Mazda MX-5 down the motorway. It's amazing what you can fit in those little cars, and having seen the size of the iMac boxes was confident that it would go on Neil's knee in the passenger seat. Hehe.

In the shop, after talking to a very helpful salesman, we changed our minds. With the money we were spending on a maxed out iMac, we could buy a MacPro and have a computer that was much more upgradeable, plus we could buy a bigger monitor. AND it came with a free printer! We were very happy, and purchased it there and then!

Bimbos!

A lovely gentleman helped us back to our car with all the kit; a great big MacPro box, a 24 inch monitor, and a printer! We stood there looking at the car and the kit, feeling pretty stupid. Where was everything going to go? This was a 2 seater sportscar for gods-sake! The guy who'd helped us had trouble stopping himself laughing. Mind you, we were the same.

So... the MacPro managed to fit snugly in the passenger seat (with the top down - in December!), the printer filled the boot, leaving Neil and a 24 inch monitor standing there! Thankfully there was a train from Meadowhall to Leeds, so he suggested he take the train with the monitor. I would then drive home, drop everything off there, then go and collect him from the station in Leeds. A plan.

He hadn't brought his mobile phone, so he took mine (just in case he needed to contact me). I'd then collect his phone once I was home and he could ring me on that!

I set off up the motorway, and as I neared Leeds I realised that he had the house keys! I had no way of getting in and offloading the Mac and printer. I also had no means of communication to let him know!

What a berk!

Thankfully, we have a friend who has a spare key. I went to his house praying he was actually going to be home. I didn't have a phone to call him, so I had to park the car (with the top down, and a new MacPro in the passenger seat) and go around the back of the house to knock on the door, dreading some chav noticing the car and nicking all the contents. It would have served us right I suppose.

The friend with the spare key was in, and after quickly explaining the situation to him, and enduring the laughs, I raced back home (no, the Mac hadn't been stolen thankfully), dropped everything off and went to collect Neil from the station.

A happy ending. Eventually.

I'm going to get a bigger car before I upgrade again, I think!